<?xml version="1.0" encoding="US-ASCII"?>
<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xsl" href="rss-xsl.xml"?>
<rss version="2.0">
<channel>
<title>WGTE Public Media : Life as we know it with tom walton</title>
<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte</link>
<description><![CDATA[Mondays at 5:44 p.m. during "All Things Considered" on FM 91
WGTE presents &ldquo;Life As We Know It,&rdquo; a weekly series of four-minute essays from commentator Tom Walton. Covering an array of topics, from the intricacies of the English language to the inspiration found within the geometry of a baseball diamond, Tom offers warm and unique insights into the world around us.
About Tom Walton
Thomas Walton is the retired Editor and Vice President of The Blade. He began his Blade career in 1965 after his graduation from Bowling Green State University. He spent several years as a reporter on the State Desk and City Desk before becoming chief of The Blade&rsquo;s Columbus Bureau in 1972.
In 1975 he was named assistant managing editor of the Monterey, California, Peninsula Herald, at the time a Block-owned newspaper. During his 14 years in Monterey he was appointed Managing Editor and later Editor. He returned to Toledo in 1988 to become Editor of The Blade. He was named vice president of the company in 1995.
Tom hosted a weekly public affairs television show called The Editors for 19 years, until his retirement in 2007. In retirement, he has written a regular commentary column for The Blade. It appears every other Monday on the Pages of Opinion.
He received a number of awards for his writing from the Associated Press Society of Ohio, the California Newspaper Publishers Association, and the Inland Press Association, and his editorials on the Coingate scandal were nominated for a Pulitzer Prize.
He lives in Bowling Green with his wife Dianne. They have two grown children and six grandchildren. His passion is baseball, and he still plays adult baseball every summer at Ned Skeldon Stadium in Maumee.]]></description>
<language>en-us</language>
<generator>Site Admin 3.00</generator>
<ttl>60</ttl>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: May 20, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=13265</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It's a shame that so many Europeans and many other foreigners say they are afraid to travel to America because they think we're a cesspool of crime and mayhem. It's true that some urban neighborhoods, including a few in Toledo, are not places where you'd want to take a long walk after dark.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But somebody needs to tell our overseas friends that we do not all live in fear for our lives. Most Americans go about their day freely and without undue worry about their personal safety.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The United States certainly has its share of horrifying tragedy. A gunman attacks a college campus in Virginia, a Congresswoman's meet and greet in Arizona, or a movie theater in Colorado, or bombs explode at the Boston Marathon, and millions around the world watch the news and say, "See, there they go again."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Invariably, however, such awful events are the acts of deranged, mentally disturbed, and often suicidal individuals. The easy availability of guns makes their deadly mission a little easier, for sure.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; However, what you don't see in America is the sort of mindless thuggery that led to the loss of 74 lives at a soccer match in Egypt a couple years ago. Soccer violence is an old story, but seldom does it produce such a staggering death toll.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The tragedy that occurred in the Egyptian city of Port Said should remind foreigners that their chances of becoming a victim of crime in our country may be less than the risk they face in their own. Lamentably, the world is full of bad guys and individuals with incredibly lousy judgment.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The fear works both ways. Would you want to spend a week in Somalia? Maybe a few days in Iraq? Even Mexico, a beautiful land with a rich history and culture, seems a lot less safe these days as the drug lords battle it out.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Homicide rates per 100,000 population remain high in Africa and South America, and they're significantly higher in the Caribbean than in North America, so do you cancel that cruise to Cozumel or Aruba? Is Rio during carnival suddenly off limits to the super-cautious?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The point is that some parts of the world are indeed dangerous places, but it would be foolish to avoid the wonders of Paris or Rome -- or San Francisco -- because of irrational fear provoked by a perception of risk.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Life is a risk every day. Nobody gets out alive. We should not forget to live it.
*********
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Well, here we are more than a decade in to the new millennium and we still aren't sure how to say it. It was easy the first several years. First it was "two thousand," then "two thousand one," and so on. Nobody said "twenty hundred four," or worse, "twenty four," and rightly so.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But I thought by now we'd all be saying "twenty thirteen." Didn't happen. Maybe it'll sound better by "twenty twenty."]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/13265_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 10 May 2013 10:00:01 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=13265]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: May 13, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=13264</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Somebody sent me a report on studies which show that if a cat falls off the seventh floor of a building, it might not survive, but if it falls off the 20th floor, it probably will.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Apparently the researchers concluded that it takes several floors, somewhere between five and eight, for the cat to comprehend what is happening, relax its body, and correct itself for a safe landing.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My first reaction was to think that I'm being had here. I know cats land on their feet -- it's called the righting reflex -- but from 200 feet up? Moreover, if the report is true, I figured a lot of cats had to be sacrificed before a safe drop point was determined. I'm not a cat person but where was PETA when we needed them?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So I dug a little deeper.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Evidently the study was done in the 1980s and published in the Journal of the American Veterinary Medical Association. It turns out, thank goodness, that the cats were not simply tossed of tall buildings.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Cats which had already fallen from known heights in New York City and survived were analyzed for injuries, and it was discovered that the damage was steadily more severe in falls up to the seventh floor, but actually decreased from the eighth floor on up.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Baloney. I think what happened was that most of the cats which fell from greater heights died in the fall and obviously were not brought in fore medical attention, thereby skewing the results.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; By the way, no cats were harmed in the production of this commentary. And for reasons that should be evident to faithful listeners who know I once drew a paycheck from The Blade, no dogs either.
*********
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Law enforcement in Ohio was unhappy last year that legislation introduced in the Ohio General Assembly would eliminate the front license plate on Ohio vehicles. Not to worry, Sheriff. Fret not, Chief. The bill went nowhere.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Even so, I see some merit in the idea, proposed by state Rep. Rex Damschroder, a Republican from Fremont. Although a front license plate provides an important piece of identifying information to a police officer, the same information is already available on the back plate.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; None of the five states which border Ohio require front plates. One state trooper in Michigan whose 16 years on the road came after his state went to rear plates only in 1980 said he could not recall a single time the absence of a front plate caused a problem.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Dumping the front plates would save the state of Ohio an estimated $1.65 million a year in production and distribution costs.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In spite of that, Ohio cops don't want it. However, it's highly unlikely that a bad guy has ever tried to flee from police by driving really fast in reverse.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/13264_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 10 May 2013 09:57:53 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=13264]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: May 6, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=13246</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Good afternoon, sports fans. We're well into another baseball season, and for a foreign visitor -- or any individual who is unfamiliar with the sport -- the game can be terribly confusing.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; With that in mind, I happily share the following condensed version of the rules of baseball, source unknown. Even if you already know the game, consider this a refresher course. Now pay attention.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Baseball is a game played by two teams, one out, the other in. The team that's in sends players out one at a time to see if they can get in before they get out. If they get out before they get in, they come in, but it doesn't count. If they get in before they get out, it does count.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; When the ones out get three outs from the ones in before they get in without being out, the team that's out comes in, and the team that's in goes out to get those going in out before they get in without being out.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; When both teams have been in and out nine times, the game is over. The team with the most in without being out before coming in wins, unless the ones in are equal. In which case, the last ones in go out to get the ones in out before they get in without being out.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The game will end when each team has the same number of ins out but one team has more in without being out before coming in.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I hope this helps. Baseball is a cerebral sport. Sometimes it's a good idea to review the ins and outs of the game.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My passion for baseball has provided many special memories. No, I'm not talking about the time I struck out with the bases loaded. That one still hurts.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm talking about occasions like the night I met Sargent Shriver at the ballpark. Mr. Shriver's recent death reminded me of a visit 15 years ago to friends in Annapolis, Maryland, who had season tickets to Baltimore Orioles games at Camden Yards.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Our seats were just beyond the Orioles' dugout, in the first row. At one point a ground ball was hit foul right toward me. I leaned over the rail and grabbed it. Moments later I felt a tap on my shoulder.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Can I see that?" the gentleman asked. I turned around to discover Mr. Shriver sitting right behind us with several younger members of his family.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "You can see it if you'll sign it," I said.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; He did. I still have it.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Last year you may have watched the world's best 12-year-old baseball players competing in the Little League World Series. Did you know that the full name of the event was the "Little League World Series Presented by Kellogg's Frosted Flakes Reduced Sugar?"
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What, the regular frosted flakes are considered performance-enhancing? I'm just asking.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/13246_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Wed, 8 May 2013 13:01:52 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=13246]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: April 29, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=13113</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Apparently our commentary on the over-use of clich&eacute;s stirred up quite a hornet's nest, if you'll pardon the expression. Not only were a couple dozen people motivated to share their own frustrations, several also offered clich&eacute;s I overlooked.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;What can I say? Sometimes I can't see the forest for the trees. I barely scratched the surface on the tip of the iceberg. Most folks got into the spirit of the word play by stringing together their own favorites. So let's cut to the chase.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Connie Schultz, a columnist for the Cleveland Plain Dealer and Creators Syndicate, said she and her husband, U.S. Senator Sherrod Brown, "laughed out loud." Going after clich&eacute;s was a "win-win," she said, adding "you can blame Sherrod for that one."It's good that the Senator, a long-suffering Cleveland Indians fan like me, still has his sense of humor.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Bob Duddy thought I should have included "in like Flynn" in my diatribe against clich&eacute;s. Bob McLean cited two that bother him: "Duh" and "my bad."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Mark Kelly said the commentary arrived "in the nick of time."Herb Rolander said he "laughed his head off," which if true could make me an accessory to a crime. I'll plead not guilty by reason of insanity.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Eric Russell lamented that I "missed the boat" when I didn't mention "put that in your pipe and smoke it." Sorry Eric. That would flout the smoking ban.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;John Blinn said the piece "hit the nail on the head." Well, I WAS trying to hammer home a point.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Mike Meuth sent it to the folks on his email list with the title: "Well, I'll be a blue-tailed tick hound." I think they're called bluetick coonhounds, but hey, Mike's version has a nice cadence to it.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;David Elsass said I wrote "with a full deck" and didn't "mince words."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;John Fedderke got all philosophical. "At the end of the day," he wrote, "it is what it is." You're right, John. It's all just water under the bridge. Or is it over the dam?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Judy Carroll said reading the piece was more fun than "a barrel of monkeys." I've always wondered about that one. Are monkeys shipped by the barrel? If so, I doubt they're having any fun in there. Speaking of barrels, I wouldn't want to scrape the bottom of that one.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Sometimes a clich&eacute; works perfectly, as reader Kurt Meyers pointed out, citing "ballpark figure" as a good example of a phrase for which we all know the meaning and one we can use as a two-word substitute for a much longer explanation. Duh. My bad, Kurt.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Hanson Holmes said the commentary provided chuckles for his morning coffee group at Mama C's donut shop. He invited me to drop by some day at 6 a.m. and he'll buy. Hanson, my friend, I'm retired. I don't do 6 a.m. anymore, not even to wake up and smell the coffee.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Kathi Bockmore, of Wellington, O., who managed to squeeze 11 cliches into her note, said I "hit it outta the park." As a broken down ballplayer, I appreciate that. Happier than a pig in slop, you might say.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;But my favorite response came from my daughter Sheila in Alabama. "You really pulled out all the stops on that one, Dad," she said, "whatever that means."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Honey, I'm tickled pink. In fact, I'm laughing my head off.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/13113_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 19 Apr 2013 09:01:26 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=13113]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: April 22, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=13112</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Cliches have always been, well, the bane of my existence. I'm not going to sugar-coat it. They stick in my craw like a bad penny. Not that a good penny would be a walk in the park if it's stuck in your craw.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;But going toe to toe with clich&eacute;s, something I thought would be a slam dunk, has left me tilting at windmills and grasping at straws &ndash; on a slippery slope, no less. Am I left to lick my wounds and bite the bullet, difficult as that would be to do simultaneously?Perhaps I'm missing the boat. Maybe that ship has sailed. Hey, any port in a storm.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Take the cake. Take it to the bank. In fact, take it with a grain of salt. Take one for the team. Take it easy or take it to the limit. But please, don't take a long walk on a short pier.Maybe I'm beating a dead horse here &ndash; no doubt a horse of a different color &ndash; but what is it with animals and clich&eacute;s?Let's see if I have my ducks in a row: Sick as a dog. Strong as an ox. Blind as a bat. Crazy as a loon. Stubborn as a mule. Happy as a clam. Mad as a wet hen. Naked as a jaybird. Quiet as a mouse. Drunk as a skunk.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;What, it's not enough that skunks smell bad? They can't hold their liquor either?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;And of course, sly as a fox. You could also be dumb as a stump or dumber than a box of rocks. Personally, I prefer half a bubble off.What about body parts? Let's see, off the top of my head, there's mud in your eye, a bug in your ear, a frog in your throat, and somebody rubbed salt in your wound. But hey, keep your chin up and get your butt in gear. If I left any out, I'm sure you'll hold my feet to the fire. It's no skin off my teeth.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;You can be over the hill, over the top, over a barrel.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;You can make waves. Make your move. Make money hand over fist. In which case, you'd no doubt make out like a bandit.You can shoot the moon, shoot the breeze, shoot fish in a barrel, shoot from the hip, or shoot yourself in the foot. I don't care. Just don't shoot the messenger. That's me.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;You could show some backbone and show me the door. My preference: show me the money.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;You can stick a fork in it or you can stick it in your ear, preferably without the fork.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Some clich&eacute;s endure; others crash and burn. Ever hear anyone say "that's how the cookie crumbles" anymore? Not so much.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;As old ones fade, new ones hit the ground running. Here's one: low-hanging fruit. But it's the same old song and dance.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Caught between a rock and a hard place? Seems old, but it's relatively new, like the last 15 years or so.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;How about a hybrid? Of President Obama's wars, you could say he's "between Iraq and a hard place." I'll bet he wishes he could party like it's 2008. You know, back in the day when he had the world by the tail?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;How about "I just can't wrap my head around it"? Of course you can't. If you could you'd make a fortune in the circus.He "dodged a bullet." Must be Superman.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;She "drank the Koolaid." Still new but rapidly becoming old.Occasionally a clich&eacute; works perfectly, so we don't want to throw the baby out with the bathwater here. When you tell a certain retired editor turned columnist he's not the brightest crayon in the box, there's really no better way to say it.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I hate to sound like a broken record. Maybe I'm whistling in the dark, but when push comes to shove, giving up the ghost is just not in the cards. Go figure.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I know you've got a lot on your plate, but here's some food for thought, something to chew on. Though it's an uphill battle on an emotional roller coaster, let's draw a line in the sand and circle the wagons. Let's go the whole nine yards, gang-tackle clich&eacute;s, and put them in a world of hurt. The ball's in your court.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Wake up and smell the coffee. You know the drill. Let's see the glass half full, think outside the box, and]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/13112_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 19 Apr 2013 08:54:52 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=13112]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: April 15, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12997</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Today is Tax Day in America. That means you have just hours to complete and postmark your income tax return, and you late filers are feeling the pressure.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;So I herewith offer up a more user-friendly interpretation of the basic IRS 1040 instruction booklet. Here is what I think it says:"Dear Taxpayer (actually, what it says is "Yo, Fool," but I'm trying to ascribe a softer, gentler approach to the IRS):
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Yes, it's us. It's that time of the year again. We know that many of you are addicted to Sudoku, cryptograms, and hopelessly intricate puzzles. So we have assembled this booklet for your enjoyment.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"First, consult Form 29643BS. Take note that it has changed from last year. Form 29643BS essentially asks you if you plan to cheat on your taxes. Why not tell us up front and spare your government years of costly investigation? You will eliminate the apprehension you would otherwise feel while waiting to see if you got away with it.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"By the way, if you have ever fibbed in the past on your 1040, your government wants you to know you are forgiven. But you must add $500 to what you owe or deduct $500 if you somehow wangle a refund.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"You also have the right to give us everything you have. If you choose the latter, please see Form 1040 Ridiculously EZ. Just write a check for every last dime you own. Exception: if you keep pennies in a jar, do not send them in. Please.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Now, we need you to take the distance between the sun and the moon at the vernal equinox, subtract the temperature at which water boils, and multiply by the number of letters in Elvis Presley's middle name. If the amount is smaller than zero, you cheated.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Determine your latitude and longitude and add all the digits together. Subtract the number of the date of the month you were born. We know when that is so don't lie to us.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Enter this number on Form 868647, Line 63b. This form is not essential to your return, but it does test your knowledge of our state capitals, so it's kinda fun. Note: if you correctly guess the capital of South Dakota, you are penalized $50. Pierre? Too French. May you choke on your Freedom Fries.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Speaking of which, did you eat fast food more than once in the last week? If so, increase your tax or reduce your refund by $100. While you were there, did you steal a fistful of paper napkins? That's another $100. We have friends at Burger King.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Take three paces forward, check your pulse, and pick a number between 31 and 79. Now scramble the last four letters in your maternal grandmother's maiden name. If you can form a word rhyming with Adirondack, you may defer your taxes until your death. However, you must submit an affidavit asserting that you were just kidding on that driver's license photo.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "You're almost finished. Put your right foot in and shake it all about. Remember to carry the six, carry the groceries, Carrie the Nation, and, if you're a golfer, carry the green.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"STOP! If your Social Security number is 12 or below, you owe no taxes. How old are you anyway?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;"Finally, make sure you have dated and signed your return. Have you affixed your address label? If not, see Booklet 2XG487, which basically says: If you have an address label, affix it.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;If you did not receive an address label, Booklet 2XG487 also offers this helpful tip: "Use a PEN, dummy!"
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;OK, that's it. I humbly hope this information eases the next few hours for those still wrestling with their taxes.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I wish you happy returns.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12997_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:16:55 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12997]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: April 8, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12996</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I confess that when it comes to the card game of bridge, I know nothing. I had no idea, for example, that when your partner makes a dumb move, homicide is an acceptable remedy.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I don't usually read the bridge column in The Blade but I sat right up and took notice when a recent column began with this: "J. Bennett was shot to death in 1931 after failing to make four spades."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The next paragraph explained Mr. Bennett's strategic blunders in technical terms I could not comprehend, but I gather he messed up pretty badly. He may have "ruffed" his trump or trumped his ruff. I'm not sure.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Obviously distraught, Mrs. Bennett killed him. Geez, you think you know somebody.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; No mention was made of the weapon, but after a little research, I learned that she shot the poor guy. It's possible the Bennetts had other problems leading up to the ill-fated encounter at the card table. Maybe Mrs. Bennett had been pining for a diamond and Mr. Bennett had confessed that he had given his heart to a woman he'd met at the club. Just calling a spade a spade, okay?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; If, however, her only motivation was her husband's ineptness at bridge, then I have gained a new appreciation for bridge players and the courage it must take to sit down and tempt fate with one poorly handled bid.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Here's the best part: Mrs. Bennett was ultimately acquitted.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A jury of her peers disregarded the physical evidence, especially the four shots she fired at her husband, two of which found their mark and did him in. Plus, before the bullets flew, there had been a violent argument over his dunderhead play. Things escalated from there into a deadly confrontation &ndash; all of which was witnessed by the couple they had been playing against.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Lest you think I'm making all this up, I went to snopes.com and Snopes says the story is true. It happened in Kansas City in 1929, not 1931, but the report adds that Mrs. Bennett, after her acquittal, even collected $30,000 from her husband's life insurance policy, a nifty sum of money during the Depression. Heck, that's a nifty sum today.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course, bridge was never the same for Mrs. Bennett after she dispatched the mister. Imagine the challenge of finding another partner. And you thought rugby was tough.
&bull;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The creation several years ago of the European Union established a common identity and a common currency, the Euro, while member countries retained their sovereignty and individuality.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The move gave rise to an analysis of what would comprise European Heaven and Hell.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; European Heaven, it is said, is a place where you will find British police, German mechanics, French chefs, Italian lovers, and Swiss government.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Conversely, European Hell is a place where you will find British chefs, German police, French mechanics, Swiss lovers, and Italian government.&nbsp;
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I think I would add Greece to the mix. European Heaven would include Greek philosophers, and European Hell would include Greek economists.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Even through Italy is already mentioned, I would add one more to European Hell: Italian cruise ship captains.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12996_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:13:09 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12996]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: April 1, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12995</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I HAVE something that belongs to Bernie Madoff, the Wall Street crook whose investment fraud bilked thousands of people out of billions of dollars. At least it belonged to Madoff a long time ago.We were strolling through an antique mall north of Findlay when I spotted a bin full of old stock certificates. One right on top caught my eye. It was a certificate for 100 shares of Pan American World Airways, Inc., sold in October, 1976, in New York City to Bernard L. Madoff.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoff's name is printed on the front. The back is stamped and signed by the principals in the transaction and bears Madoff's personal signature.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;The certificate, one of many Pan Am certificates in the bin, was the only one made out to an individual. They were available for purchase for $6.50. I bought Madoff's, although I'm not sure why. A piece of history, I guess. Plus, though he could probably use the cash to buy candy bars at the prison store, none of the $6.50 goes to him.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Madoff was convicted three years ago today, March 12, 2009, of running the largest Ponzi scheme in history and was subsequently sentenced to 150 years in prison. That's three down, 147 to go.It's projected by the Federal Bureau of Prisons that he could get out of jail in 2139 or so, assuming he earns time off for good behavior. He'll be 201. Great sense of humor, those feds. I'm betting he falls a little short.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;I checked with a couple of antique appraisers who told me my Pan-Am certificate could be worth several hundred dollars. They didn't offer, but I put it in a safe deposit box anyway. Ironically I recently spotted an eBay auction for another Bernie Madoff stock certificate for which the seller wanted $50,000! It wasn't even Pan-Am stock. I sure hope he got it; I could use the money.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Inasmuch as Madoff was banned from the securities business for life a month before his sentencing, perhaps I should send the certificate to him. He could hang it on the wall of his cell or something. You know, a little nostalgic touch of the good old days when the mayor returned his calls and Broadway was at his feet.It makes sense that Madoff might have found Pan-Am attractive as an investment option. Both he and Pan Am were riding high in the 1970s. Both were icons, one in commercial aviation and the other in the world of finance and investment.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Also, Pan Am had been victimized in the late 1960s by a phony from within, pretend-pilot Frank Abagnale, Jr., whose exploits were chronicled in the 2002 Leonardo DiCaprio movie "Catch Me If You Can," and Madoff's clients were victimized by the greed of Wall Street's biggest con man.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Today, Pan-Am and Bernie Madoff still have something in common. They've both gone away.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12995_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Wed, 27 Mar 2013 09:08:14 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12995]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It; March 25, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12903</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Several years ago comedian Norm Crosby was the master of ceremonies at a beauty pageant. As he introduced one contestant and read her bio, he stopped abruptly. "My God," he said, "She's 16 years old. I've got shirts older than her."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I can relate. So do I.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I tend to wear clothes until they either wear our or my wife gets so sick of them she tosses them in the trash when my attention is diverted.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; There's no point in trying to sell them in a garage sale. Been there. Done that. Nobody wanted them. Even Goodwill told us to stop calling.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'll bet a lot of folks are like me. Old clothes, like an old couch or an old recliner, are part of who we are. When I pull on a flannel shirt I wore the day one of my grandchildren was born 11 years ago, I'm in the zone. Comfort zone, that is.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Only recently did we toss out an old sport jacket I owned for 30 years, and only because it had what appeared to be tire tracks running up the back of it. The color had faded to something not quite brown and not quite yellow. My wife once held it up with her thumb and forefinger like a dirty diaper and coldly observed that "somewhere there's a Yugo sedan without upholstery."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I had to concede the point. If you had a sofa that looked like that, you'd put it out at the curb and pin a sign to it reading "Free."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I also finally, and reluctantly, threw out an old lightweight suit that had provided moths with entertainment and nourishment for years. This thing put the "suck" in seersucker.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Occasionally I discover something hanging in the closet that I have no memory of buying, much less wearing. I found a pair of pants in there that still had S&amp;H green&nbsp; stamps in the pocket.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; If I'm typical, the average American man accumulates 672 T-shirts during his lifetime, and at any given moment he has roughly 500 of them still around somewhere. Fortunately, my wife has sewing skills that Martha Steward could only envy. She fashions the old shirts into quilts that neatly summarize my life so far.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My personal favorite: a T-shirt that proclaims, in large letters: "London, Rome, Paris, Toledo." Not that I've been to all those places, but I can tell you that Toledo in the springtime is lovely.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Somebody should undertake a study to figure out why we hoard old clothes. If a research institute in England can study whether sheep recognize the faces of other sheep &ndash; which apparently is a matter of some urgency in British barnyards &ndash; then this one is no less necessary.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; New clothes require a trial period of adjustment, aging like a bottle of merlot while the sediments settle. Okay, bad analogy.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A new sweater is likely to sit folded on a shelf for a while before I venture out in public in it. But a faded sweatshirt bearing the logo of a burger joint that closed 20 years ago? I'm a walking billboard for the place.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12903_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:36:48 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12903]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: March 18, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12902</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You have to love the quotes attributed to athletes and coaches whose abilities off the field of play haven't caught up with their physical talents.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm not talking about Yogi-Berra-isms, those wonderful lines that were part of his legend. Allegedly asked by his wife where he wanted to be buried, Yogi is said to have replied, "Surprise me." I think old Yogi knew exactly what he was doing with his twisted half witticisms.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'd rather talk about quotes like these:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The late Coach Jim Valvano, so the story goes, once asked one of his North Carolina State basketball players why he seemed to nervous and preoccupied at practice.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Coach," he confided, "my sister is about to have a baby and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Or how about this one, attributed to a former Utah Jazz basketball player: "I can go to my left or my right. I'm amphibious."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; At the opposite extreme was Walter Palmer, a former Ivy Leaguer, who was asked for his reaction after fans held up a sign at an NBA game that said "Put Walter In." He appreciated the support, he said, "but I can't believe they ended a sentence with a preposition."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Exasperated coaches have always been good sources of colorful quotes. Basketball coach Charlie Just once told the media that he only planned to dress seven players for that night's game. "We're pretty confident the other five can dress themselves."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Consider the wry advice of former Texas A&amp;M basketball coach Shelby Metcalf, after one of his players got four F's and one D: "Son, it looks like you've been spending too much time on one subject."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How about the brutal honesty of Clark Griffith, the long-ago owner of the old and hapless Washington Senators?
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "The fans like to see home runs," Mr. Griffith said, "so we have assembled a pitching staff for their enjoyment."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Baseball player Tito Fuentes, who now does radio play-by-play in Spanish for the San Francisco Giants, was upset once that a pitcher threw at him. "They shouldn't throw at me," he explained. "I'm the father of five or six kids."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And you have to love baseball slugger Pedro Guerrero's frustration with sports writers: "Sometimes they write what I say and not what I mean." Amen, Pedro.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Former Houston Oilers football coach Bum Phillips was asked once why he always took his wife along on the team's road trips. "Because she's too ugly to kiss good-by," he responded. No word on whether they're still married.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But the best at giving the news media great quotes? It has to be former Southern Cal and Tampa Bay Buccaneers coach John McKay. After another loss by a really bad Buccaneers team, he was asked his opinion of the team's execution: "I'm all in favor of it," he said.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It gets better. At another post-game press conference, he scolded the press, saying "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a bunch of bananas. A few days later a reporter had a box of bananas delivered to Coach McKay's office.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; At his press conference the following week, he told the assembled scribes: "You guys don't know the difference between a football and a Mercedes-Benz."]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12902_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Tue, 12 Mar 2013 11:29:51 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12902]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: March 11, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12854</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;America's commercial airlines continue to squeeze every last nickel out of their customers. In fact, they're piling on. Spirit Airlines is charging passengers for the carry-on bag they bring aboard &ndash; as much as $40.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It's true that passengers are stuffing everything they own into the overhead bins these days. But what choice do they have? Checking bags can add well over a hundred bucks to the cost of a trip.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What's next? Twenty dollars for transporting the jacket on your back? I've got an idea for the airlines. Since they've pretty much discontinued complimentary meal service (not that that's a bad thing), maybe they could start charging a $10 user fee for lowering the tray table. People are bringing their own food aboard now and they need someplace to put it.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So I took the liberty of calling the bean-counters at East-West by South-Southeast Airlines to offer my assistance. Here is what I remember of our conversation:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Hello, welcome to East-West by South-Southeast Airlines. If you are calling to make a reservation, press one. If you are calling to cancel a reservation, press two. If you are calling to apply for a job, you are delusionary. If you are calling to offer new and innovative ways we can separate our passengers from their money, your call is very important to us. Press three or stay on the line."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How convenient. I press three. After seven minutes of listening to tinny music &ndash; I think it was "Shut Up and Get on the Plane" by the Drive-by Truckers &ndash; I hear a pleasant female voice.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Her: "East-West by South-Southeast Airlines. How can you help us today?" &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Me: "Hello. I'm an occasional customer of yours and I don't think you guys have given enough thought to this fee business. I have some suggestions that could really boost your revenues."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Her: "I'm listening. In fact, so is everybody else. I just put you on speakerphone."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Me: "All right. Listen up. First thing you do is strike a deal with McDonald's. People are bringing those Big Macs aboard anyway and you're not getting a penny of it. You're also not making anything on those little bags of peanuts. Sell burgers at 30,000 feet for less than they cost in the terminal and it's a license to print money."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "Whoa. Good one. We'll get on it."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Me: "Here's one that will annoy everybody but it's a sure moneymaker. Push a portable karaoke machine up and down the aisle and charge $5 a song. Then charge the other passengers a buck apiece to make the singer sit down and shut up."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "Wow. A win-win."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Me: "Yes indeed. And you know that jump seat in the cockpit behind the pilot? Sell your passengers the right to sit there during the flight. Fifty bucks for 10 minutes. Who wouldn't want that opportunity?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "What about the FAA?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Me: "Tell 'em to get in line. Fifty bucks for 10 minutes."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "Any other bright ideas?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Me: "Yes. Offer a deplaning lottery on every flight. Sell lottery tickets by rows. If your row comes up when you land, you get to gather your belongings and exit first."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "It's genius. Anything else?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Me: "Yes. Pay toilets. People will be begging you to break a twenty. They'll probably tell you to keep the change."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Her: "Sir, we can't thank you enough. May we send you a voucher good for $10 off your next carry-on fee?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12854_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 1 Mar 2013 09:07:04 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12854]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: March 4, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12853</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Be honest. I'm betting you've "googled" your own name just to see what's out there on the worldwide web. When I did that, I discovered a bed and breakfast in North Carolina that intrigued me.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Its name: the Thomas Walton Manor.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'm not sure who that other dude is, or was, but I thought it would be fun to spend a night there on one of our trips to see family in the South. So I inquired. No kids and no pets, they said. OK, our kids are grown and if I have to leave the boa constrictor at home, I'm alright with that.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Besides, I thought they'd get a kick out of having a namesake stay there; maybe we'd get a discount or something. Forget it. Not only do the rates run to $375 a night, you have to stay at least two nights.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I'd like to tell Thomas Walton what I think of his rules, but I suspect he's not around anymore, and if he were, he'd probably look at the signature on my letter and figure it's some kind of joke or scam.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Coincidentally, I got an email from a travel website which listed its choices as the top 10 luxury bed and breakfasts in America. Topping the list was a place that I'm vaguely familiar with, though not because I ever stayed there. It's the Post Ranch Inn on the Big Sur coast of California, not far from where we used to live in Monterey.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The rates start at $895 &ndash; a night. Plus taxes. If you can afford $900 to get in the door, you can afford the taxes. Yes, the view of the Pacific is something to die for, if the bill doesn't kill you.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But I can get an equally spectacular view of the ocean at nearby Julia Pfeiffer Burns State Park for eight bucks, and Mother Nature throws in a waterfall that plunges to the beach.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Is it just me, or does it seem that bed and breakfasts have gotten away from their original concept &ndash; a reasonably priced place to sleep and a good breakfast the next morning before moving on? I'm just asking.&nbsp;*&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Why do the television stations feel compelled to run that list of cancelled events along the bottom of the screen every time there's a significant winter storm? The alphabetized list takes forever to scroll from A through Z.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; There's a foot of snow out there, the wind is howling, the roads are skating rinks, and you have to chisel the dog off a fire hydrant. So I'm thinking we can pretty much assume the Knights of the Frozen North have cancelled their bingo game.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I don't have any problem continuing to list school closings. What child hasn't shrieked in delight to see on TV that his school is taking a snow day? It's one of childhood's grand moments, the kind of serendipitous good fortune that fortifies a kid's faith in a greater power.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But all that other stuff? How about simply scrolling the following message across the screen all night: YOUR EVENT IS CANCELLED. STAY HOME.&nbsp;*&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; *&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Speaking of cold, I saw one of those "extreme sports" shows on TV and it occurred to me that just because the competitors are competing outdoors in frigid weather doesn't make it extreme. I think they should ramp this thing up if they really want to go extreme.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How about beehive-tetherball? Now that would separate the contenders from the pretenders.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12853_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 1 Mar 2013 09:01:12 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12853]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: February 25, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12812</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; An airline just for dogs? Pet Airways thinks it could work. People whose dogs are too big to fly in the cabin of the major airlines, or who don't want to put their little friend in the cargo hold, now have another option, though it's not cheap.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The fair is a rather stiff $250 to send man's best friend coast to coast, pre-boarding walks and potty breaks included. For now Pet Airways serves just five major cities &ndash; New York, Washington, Chicago, Denver, and Los Angeles &ndash; using smaller, regional airports. The company has created a "Pet Lounge" at each of them so that the paying customers have a place to relax before flights.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; The fare also includes play time and dinner on the longer flights. However, if history repeats itself, and the frills gradually disappear &ndash; just as they have done for those of us who walk upright &ndash; you have to wonder if dinner will gradually give way to a tiny bag of doggie treats that even a German Shepherd couldn't open.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Also &ndash; the FAA is a stickler about this stuff &ndash; will the 50 or so canine passengers the airline hopes to carry on most flights be required to sit through the safety lecture like we do? I mean, can there be anybody left, including your dog, who still has to be shown how to buckle the seat belt?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Regardless, I can hear it now:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Remember, Pugsy, disabling or tampering with the smoke detector in the lavatories is against the law."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Keep in mind, Fluffy, that the nearest emergency exit might be several cages behind you."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And what about in-flight movies? "Benji"? "Lassie"? "The Shaggy Dog"? "Underdog"? "Turner and Hootch"? "101 Dalmations"? "Marley and Me"? "Beverly Hills Chihuahua"? Not bad options. "Cujo"? Scratch that one &ndash; too scary.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; May I suggest an oldie but goodie, an obvious choice: "Old Yeller." Not a dry eye in the cabin.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Hopefully, when the movie ends, a disembodied voice from the cockpit will lighten the mood for the canine passengers with a cheerful "Hello from the flight deck. This is your captain, Jack Russell&hellip;"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; A good friend of mine writes a regular column for the Scripps Howard News Service. Like me, she lives in dread of every columnist's worst nightmare: a factual error, or worse, misuse of the language. After she submitted a column to her editor about the misadventures she experienced changing the wallpaper in her house, including inadvertently pulling down chunks of plaster, she was obliged to send out a correction.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Here's her correction:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Please note. I have just been informed of an error in the column I sent you this morning. This may not surprise you, but apparently I do not know the definition of a 'joist.' According to my informant, a joist is a horizontal structure in a floor or ceiling; a vertical structure in a wall is called a 'stud.' Thus the sentence which read 'As I stood there staring at the naked joists&hellip;' could rightly be corrected to read "As I stood there staring at the naked studs...' However, to avoid further confusion, my preference would be to say, 'As I stood there staring at the gaping hole in the wall&hellip;'&nbsp;I do apologize for the error."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sister, I feel your pain.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12812_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Thu, 21 Feb 2013 09:16:00 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12812]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life as We Know It: February 18, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12783</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Friends who know me well understand that my search for the perfect cheeseburger is a personal odyssey. A few times over the years I thought I had found it, but something wasn't quite right. It might have been the meat; it could have been the bun, the sauce, or even the presentation. So the quest continued.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It can be a lonely journey, especially when everybody at the table is ordering something fancy like orange roughy or pasta primavera and I blurt out what they know is coming: "The cheeseburger please, a little past medium."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You might as well ask two foxes and one chicken to vote on what's for dinner. I mean, until recently I thought catsup was one of the four basic food groups.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Because I'm a Parrothead (that's a Jimmy Buffett fan for those who have no idea where Margaritaville is), my crusade to find the perfect burger at least springs from noble intentions. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; We've visited most of Buffett's Margaritaville restaurants, from Las Vegas to Key West, from Orlando to New Orleans, from Phoenix to Negril, Jamaica. Given that one of Buffett's signature songs is "Cheeseburger in Paradise," we naturally assumed he had created the ultimate burger. But good as it is, it falls a little short of "heaven on earth with an onion slice," as the song claims. If I can duplicate it at home, it is not the world's perfect burger.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I've even traveled to places that claim to be the very spot where Buffett wrote "Cheeseburger in Paradise." One of them is a little open-air joint on Cabbage Key just off Ft. Myers, Fla. The burger's good but the boat ride over is better, especially when the dolphins are in a playful mood.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Another place that claims to have birthed the "Cheeseburger in Paradise" is Le Select, which unfortunately sits on the priciest island in the Caribbean, St. Bart's. Buffett visits a lot, so maybe he did write it there. I can't afford to go and check it out.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Still, I push on, looking for perfection. Despite the risk of clogged arteries, I figure the quest helps keep me alive. That, and the Lipitor.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; After all, "healthy" is simply the slowest rate at which a person can die.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So my dream lives on. One day I will find the perfect burger, no doubt at a most unlikely place. When it happens, I know I will cry. It will be like stumbling across a Renoir at a flea market. Only better. You can't eat a Renoir.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In the meantime, I'm reminded of an old song parody sung to the tune of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Sing it with me. One verse goes like this:&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; "Somewhere, overweight people&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Have a ball.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; In a land where they never&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Heard of cholesterol.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Somewhere, over-indulging&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Is so divine.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; If their waistline's not bulging,&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Why then oh why is mine?"&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Amen, brother. And yes, I would like fries with that.]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12783_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Fri, 15 Feb 2013 12:29:36 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12783]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life As We Know It: February 11, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12739</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;An automotive expert for Consumer Reports was discussing the gas pedal problems that prompted Toyota to recall certain vehicles and shut down production of others. His advice to owners who experienced any such problems with their vehicle: "Don't drive it anymore and take it to your dealership."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Fine, but who's going to help push it in?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It reminds me of a word game I play with my grandson, in which we try to come up with lines no human has ever spoken before. "Hand me that piano" is my favorite.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I had to laugh at an item in The Blade's entertainment section a while back about a clairvoyant visiting Toledo as part of her "Message From Beyond" tour. That's kind of funny right there, but the item said she would "appear" at 7:30 p.m. I hope her fans showed up on time because there was no mention when she disappears.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; And what's up with the expression "went missing"? I don't remember encountering that one until recent years. Now I hear it all the time. If makes about as much sense as saying "he turned up missing." Well, if he turned up, he isn't missing.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Here's one more indication we're all doomed. A highway sign in Europe reads: "Emergency Services, 164 kilometers ahead."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; My advice: try to stop the bleeding and drive really fast.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; By the way, how come a car has to have a muffler but a motorcycle can make all the noise it wants?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I noticed in the TV listings some time ago that a Billy Graham special was followed by a Victoria's Secret fashion show. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? You know, check out the babes and then get religion?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; ***&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; One more thing I never knew: law firms in China, unlike their American counterparts, can call themselves anything they choose. Here in the United States, law firms which list surnames in their titles generally have people by those names who work there or did before they retired or died.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; But in China anything goes, which is why there's a law firm called Bright and Right. There's no Ms. Bright and no Mr. Right. The firm's founding partner, Michael Liu, just liked the sound of Bright and Right better than his own name. So he went with Bright and Right in lieu of, well, Liu.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Bright is apparently a popular choice in China, which also has a Broad and Bright law firm, another called All Bright, and yet another called Ever Bright. One of China's largest law firms is called King and Wood. The firm is Kingless and Woodless but the name does convey leadership and strength.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; This got me thinking.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; What if the legal profession in this country were allowed to operate under the same rules? If I'm going to sue somebody, I'm going to call "Smart, Swift, and Victory" before I dial up "Smith, Smith, and Jones."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; How long would it be before some law firm renamed itself "The Dream Team"? Hey, it worked for O.J. Simpson.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course, we must make mention of that venerable and presumably fictitious American law firm so ridiculed in the old joke: Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe. Just think, they could give Mr. Cheatum and Mr. Howe nice golden parachutes, nudge them out the door, and rename themselves Dewey, Fite, and Wynn.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Just a thought. But I bet their billable hours would go up.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; - Tom Walton]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12739_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Thu, 7 Feb 2013 10:34:32 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12739]]></guid>
</item>
<item>
	<title>Life as We Know It: February 4, 2013</title>
	<link>http://www.wgte.org/wgte/item.asp?item_id=12708</link>
	<description><![CDATA[&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Many years ago I worked with a Blade copy editor whose command of the English language was an inspiration to the rest of us. But his inflexibility when it came to the rules of grammar was also an occasional aggravation.
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; One of his rigid rules concerned the word "hopefully." Staff writers quickly learned that they were not to start a sentence with the word "hopefully," as in "Hopefully good weather will return in a day or two." Nor were they to misuse it within the sentence, as in "Good weather will hopefully return in a day or two."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; His point was that the weather is incapable of hoping anything. The only acceptable way to say it, he believed, was to write: "It is to be hoped that good weather will return in a day or two." That was a wordy non-starter for me, no matter what the rules of grammar might dictate.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; It was a rule I rebelled against. I understood the grammarians' point of view, but I also recognized that people do not talk that way. Why be wordier than necessary?&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Of course, people in Ohio and the Midwest also say "I seen" instead of "I saw," which for me is the grammatical equivalent of fingernails on a blackboard. You hear it from educated people who should know better. A guy I know is a Certified Public Accountant, a whiz with numbers, but he can't grasp the concept of "I saw."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Jim Norman, an English teacher, supplies another aggravation: "anyways." There is no such word in the language, he rightly points out. I'm with Jim on this one.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; So when it comes to the language, I guess I am part modernist, part purist. Anyways, it is to be hoped that you are too.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; As you've probably figured out from my frequent carping on the subject, I'm a big fan of the English language when used properly. A well crafted sentence is a beautiful thing.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You want short? "Jesus wept" pretty much says it all. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; You want long? One sentence in William Faulkner's Southern Gothic novel, "Absalom, Absalom!" is 1,288 words long, which pales in comparison to the 4,391-word sentence attributed to Molly Bloom in James Joyce's novel "Ulysses."&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I can't vouch for how well crafted either of these monsters is because I refuse to give either one a go without an oxygen tank and a nice chardonnay. &nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; I once marveled at an 82-word sentence assembled by a former associate on The Blade's editorial board. With careful uses of conjunctions and punctuation, thereby providing the reader a breath of air here and there, he constructed a word journey worth taking.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; Even so, I still think it could have been boiled down to "The president is stupid." Or "Jesus wept."
&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; &mdash; Tom Walton]]></description>
	<enclosure url="http://www.wgte.org/wgte/content/items/image/12708_l.jpg" length="" type="image/jpeg"></enclosure>
	<pubDate>Wed, 30 Jan 2013 10:36:26 EST</pubDate>
	<guid><![CDATA[http://www.wgte.org/wgte/listen/item.asp?item_id=12708]]></guid>
</item>
</channel>
</rss>
