Life As We Know It: December 16, 2013

        Ready for some more of my favorite T-shirt messages from those Christmas catalogs we all get? Some great gift ideas here.

        So here we go.

        “What is the speed of dark?”

         “Bad spellers? Untie!”

         “Multi-tasking: screwing up several things at once.”

        “You remind me of someone. I don’t like HIM either.”

         “I’m actually quite pleasant – until I wake up.”

         “Nobody knows the trouble I’ve been.”

         “I have issues.”

         “My therapist thinks I’m a scream.”

         “Sometimes I wonder, why is that beer truck getting bigger? Then it hits me!”

         “Of course I’m hungry. I’m a vegetarian.”

         “Still young enough to know everything.”

         “Always being right is an awesome responsibility.”

         “Back by popular demand.”

         “I’m not a doctor, but I’ll take a look.”

         “I cannot comment during an ongoing investigation.”

         “I childproofed my house, but they still get in.”

         “Your opinion, although interesting, is irrelevant.”

         “I started out with nothing, and I have most of it left.”

         “I’ve seen normal. It ain’t pretty.”

         “Yes, it IS always about me.”

         “Am I getting smart with you? How would you know?”

         “Honey, have you seen my glasses?”

         “Organized people a re just too lazy to look for things.”

         “I’m only wearing black until they make something darker.”

         “I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.”

         “It IS as bad as you think it is, and they ARE out to get you.”

         “I’m the quiet neighbor who always kept to himself.”

         “Life is short. Break some rules.”

         “We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?”

         “My back goes out more than I do.”

         “Errors have been made. Others are to blame.”

         “Ever considered being a mime?”

         “If you’re happy and you know it, go away!”

         “National Sarcasm Society (like we NEED your support)”

         “Take my advice. I’m not using it.”

         “Why be difficult? With a little more effort, you can be impossible.”

And finally, “If life’s a journey, shouldn’t you be moving along?”

        Well, yes, I should, and in a moment, I shall. But you have to admit, that’s quite a list. There are people who are paid a handsome sum to think these things up. It’s obvious that T-shirt messages have come a long way from the crude early efforts you can still find at flea markets, although my wife keeps threatening to pull out her old “I’m With Stupid” shirt now t